Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Baby Shower

My sister in law just had a baby shower, (and no one told me any information about it, like time, date, or place). I was able to view some of the pictures online, and I was glad I didn't go because, just looking at the pictures made me cry.
You see, Heidi Anne is my 4th pregnancy. The other three didn't make it past 10 weeks. So when I made it to 12 weeks we were thrilled, she was going make it! I was told by family they would throw a baby shower for me to celebrate the first grandchild. They chose April, then pushed it back to May, and then June, and then Heidi Anne was born in July. I was told they would throw it after she was born, then pushed again to her blessing day. Nothing came of it. We had hoped that Christmas would be special, the first grandchild, but nothing what all of my friends said would happen. Christmas to me was always about Children and seeing the joy that they have in experiencing it, but Heidi Anne was once again left out while others got all the fun things.
It just hurts that not all life (even in the same family) is celebrated with the same joy. I just feel like Heidi Anne got royally screwed on this.
She is OUR precious baby girl, the only one I will ever have, she was my ONLY pregnancy I will have ever experienced. And I missed out on those basic and silly rites of passage and milestones. And I don't know why. But when another has all those silly and fun things done, its like Heidi Anne isn't a good enough grandchild. Or the grandchild that should have come later, or to the wrong person even. I know this seems petty and just jealous, but it hurts that no one cares about Heidi Anne, Heidi Anne has gone through a hard first year and has to go without. We have wanted to get her so much but cannot afford and it hurt because we know how much is spent on Heidi Anne verses the other grandchild. We are hurt, we feel hurt for Heidi Anne.