Sunday, November 21, 2010

Daddy Thoughts

My grandmother just past away, the one Heidi Anne is named after-see our (Whats In a Name post). We had the chance to visit her twice before her passing. Lissa is trying to gather the talks given at the funeral as well.

Since this is also our journal for Heidi Anne I wish to tell you of your last two visits with your Na-Nana.

On Laura's Wedding:
We were waiting for Laura & Anthony to come out after the ceremony. You had been playing outside and wanted to go inside for some reason. So I followed you in. Sitting in the waiting room an in a wheel chair was an elderly lady, you ran right up to her before I could catch up to you and said "Hi Na-Nana!" It amazed me, you hadn't seen her since Christmas, but you knew her. However, Na-Nana didn't quite remember you. "I'm sorry little girl, I think you are mistaken..."
"I Heidi!"
"You can't be Heidi, you're much to big to be Heidi"
"No, I Heidi, I two" (You then held up all five fingers).
I then caught up to you. Your Na-Nana then said "Melissa, is this really Heidi, my she has gotten so big." You patted her hand. I told her about your little adventures you had been having outside with us, Sarah, and Alice. I then explained you must be calling her Na-Nana instead of great-grandma because you call Nana, Nana, therefore she was Na-Nana.
I then started with the Heidi, what does a puppy say?
"Arff, Arff, (little hands in the front like a puppy begging) pant, pant"
"Heidi what does a kitty say?"
"Meeeeoooowwww, Meeeeeoooowwww"
"Heidi, what does a turkey say?"
"Gobble, gobble, (hands go side to side).
Your Na-Nana laughed, clapped her hands at each time, she loved the Gobble, gobble one the most! You then wanted to go outside. Before we did I said give Na-Nana a hug. You gave her a hug on her leg. You gave her a little kiss on her hand. You then asked for me to pick you up so you could give her a kiss on the cheek.-This was the first time you ever gave someone a kiss on the cheek without someone asking for one first. It was very sweet.
As we went back out to play, you said your lovely, "Bye, bye Na-Nana, Love you, See you".


Last Visit:
We received an e-mail a few days later telling us that Na-Nana wasn't doing well and would be passing away soon. We were going to visit her with Sarah, but that didn't work out. We planned on going the next day after work, that fell though. It seemed like every time we tried to plan it out-something made it so it wouldn't work. So we picked you up from Suesue's and looked at each other and decided let's go now. It was late-we didn't call ahead-but we just went.
We got there, all the lights were off. We knocked on the door-No answer. We went to the other door. Knocked, no answer. Knocked again, thankfully someone was home. We went in and though what felt like a maze to get to Na-Nana's part of the house.
We just visited. You sang her little songs, like Twinkle, Twinkle, the Mr. Alligator song, we did more what does an animal say game. We talked about your pre-school and how smart you are. She told you to keep reading, and was so proud to know that you can already read your name. She loved to hear about your pre-school, how much Suesue and the other teachers love you. She liked to hear how much fun you have, and hoped that you can do music, she was happy to hear that you already loved music.
You started to ask about people in the pictures she had in her room, so she started to name them for you, how they were related, how special they were to her, and how she couldn't wait to be back with them again.
You just kept making her laugh with your songs and being so cute. You tried to get Momma to sit on your lap. I was standing and holding you, you wanted down.
Dadda, down please.
Okay, baby.
You climbed up onto the chair. Momma sit.
Heidi Anne, there isn't enough room.
Momma, sit lap.
Oh, I am too big.
Momma, sit lap.
So she sat with you. You said, "Off please". Then you just moved over instead so you two could share the chair.
Na-Nana just laughed. She loved how polite and independent you were.

As we were leaving, she asked for a kiss bye. I tried to help you up just as she was asking. You then screamed "NOOOOOOOO"
She said, "Well, she sure lets her opinions be known."
We had to explain it was the fact that Dadda was trying to help you that was the issue, not that Na-Nana wanted a goodbye kiss. Once we let you get up on your own, you gladly gave her a kiss bye bye.



Lissa's View of the Funeral:
We left Heidi Anne at Susan's-trying to be calm and quite with so many people and crowds is just to taxing for her. The whole time I kept thinking of the song "Dream a little dream of Me". I watched the 50th Anniversary video and heard different stories of his grandmother. Many interesting stories neither of us had never heard before.
Sarah pointed out that it was almost 11 years to the day that greatgrandpa had passed way. Knowing your Na-Nana, she meant for it to be that way, I know she missed him greatly. I know there is a Heaven, and I know she knew it too. I knew she was happy, healthy, and with the ones she had missed-and still watching over the ones here.

There is a saying-funerals are for the living. (Another is God only cries for the living, because it's the living that are so far from home.) So I just listened, watched, and felt. I listened to the stories, and watched the happy cries, the tears brought on by happy memories, and felt that I have named Heidi Anne after two very dear and stubborn women. I didn't cry, at times I bet I was even smiling a little-seeing the ways 1 person can touch so many lives for many years. I tried to comfort others and get down names of extended family, without the matriarch we're now left to ourselves to try to stay connected. I played with Alice, for life ever goes on, and nothing is sweeter then the sound of a baby giggle.

I'm trying to gather the talks given at the funeral, they are a wealth of insight into the life of Na-Nana.

Then we went to the cemetery. We didn't follow the procession. Char wanted to drive by his grandparents old house first. We drove by, he told me some memories he had-we looked at the house his grandparents shared for decades, then went to the cemetery, where they will be together again for many more decades. We were the first here as well. It was cold, blustery, and just quite. More family came, but it stayed just as quite as when we first arrived. He went with the other pallbearers-I stayed with Sarah and Emily. Someone was talking, but for the most part the wind just drowned out all sound. Everyone was somber. How can you not be? I think everyone was saying a final goodbye in their mind. If anyone tried to out loud-the wind took it to the Heavens. The pallbearers placed their flowers on the casket, loved ones huddled together against the elements and for support, as the final prayer was said.

Now everyone has gone their separate ways. When and if everyone will gather again I'm not sure. I'll never know why it is only a funeral can bring everyone together, as the saying goes funerals are for the living.

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