Christmas

We had fun with Christmas, Heidi loved the wrapping paper. She got a cute purse from my Aunt that's pink and green with an H on it. Her cousin got a coordinating one too. We also got the girls coordinating dolls (Kaikai's is pink, Heidi's blue), glow worms (again Kaikai's pink and Heidi's blue), lots of board books, coordinating outfits (Kaikai's a cute dress and Heidi's a pant/skirt outfit), matching unicorns (both were pink and purple).
Heidi also got a little lamb, which she just adores, some puppets, and books. She got some outfits from Chars sisters and mom.
She also got a little piano, a ring stack, and blocks. We also got her the movie Heidi.
Char got a Samurai sword set from me and he's getting me a 22 rifle for my Christmas/birthday gift.
And maybe a puppy sometime....I think we're leaning towards a Cockapoo.

Casting

Well Heidi got her had casted today. Can't wait to get it!!

New Things About Baby

We have found out two new things about Heidi, she loves music and being upside down.
The Upside down is part of her physical therapy for her neck. We have to put her over our knees or a pillow and have her head upside down. She LOVES it, in fact she wiggles to go upside down and then giggles and smiles.
She loves anything with music. We got her an activity set and the teapot plays songs. Anything that plays music or makes sound she loves. That's how we went Christmas shopping and found out that she loved the glowworm and piano, they both play music.

Here she is thinking about flipping backwards

Now she is upside down

Here she is playing with her new actvity centerShe just loves to make the teaspot make musicShe is exhausted and fast asleep

Thanksgiving

We had a good Thanksgiving, since Char had work we weren't able to go down and visit family. We did our own Thanksgiving. We had turkey (since we didn't have a turkey injector set, we used a medical needle), mashed potatoes, stuffing, and chocolate pudding pie pudding. Heidi had oatmeal cereal.

Our turkey before:
Our turkey after:We also went a little Christmas shopping for Heidi Girl. We got her and KaiKai coordinating Glowworms, a little piano, ring stack, and block sorter set.
Shopping is easy for babies :)

All Gone

Well, I got my hair cut yesterday. Nearly 6 inches. It's about as short as my sister got it when she was 10. It's goes a little past my chin. I didn't mean for it to go that short to began with. I just wanted a inch or two off. But I kept going, "Okay you can make it a little shorter, okay a little more." It looks really good. A little layering, works for me. And now when Heidi Anne plays with my hair she doesn't get as much, or as long.
Maybe now I won't traumatize KaiKai next time I see her.

Poor KaiKai

I'm on some medication that makes my hair fall out pretty easily. However, I've been in denial about how bad its gotten. That is until we went and visited our families for a bit a few days ago.
I was holding KaiKai (she's 10 months old) and she was gently running her little hands through my hair and out came a good size lock of hair. She looked at her Dad with a big O on her face.
It was like she was saying "I didn't do it I swear!! I didn't break it! Did I?"
I felt so bad for her. Traumatized her for life, (Well Doc, It all began as a baby, I was playing with my aunts hair. That's the last time I played with someones hair.)
On a side note I think I'll get my hair cut on Saturday. I was thinking shoulder length.

Freak Out

Well Heidi rolled over for the first time today. She freaked out!!
I brought her home during lunch, and went to make her a bottle. While I had my back turned she started screaming bloody murder. I turned around and she had rolled onto her tummy, and she wasn't happy about it one bit.
So I put her on her back and went to finsh making her bottle. Only to have her scream even louder. She was back on her tummy again. She had this face of "Why does this keep happening to me?? HOW on Earth did I get here!!" I'm sure she'll get used to it.
Or not, she just rolled and freaked out again.

Yeah Me

P.S. I got my promotion, I'm a TL!! YEAH ME :)

Happy Halloween

Well we had our first Halloween with baby girl.
She was Maggie Simpson, we dressed her in a blue sleeper, binky, and a blue bow. It was cute, while it lasted. (She made it all day without spitting up on it, then just as I took her to make the rounds she spit up).
I was Wednesday Addams,-Black shirt, black skirt, braided hair, pale make-up with purple eyeshadow. I tried to get Char to be Pugsley, but that didn't work. He said he was a poor college student.
My work really got into the Halloween spirit this year. Last year we did our first company trick or treat (where people bring their kids and they go from desk to desk). And only a handful of people dressed up. This year, it was the reverse, only a handful of people DIDN'T dress up in some way, shape or form. It was totally awesome and soo much fun.
Everyone at work got to see our little girl, some people held her. I got to see every one's kids. There were some really creative outfits, like a mime, a 1920's golfer, a hunter, a family of clowns) I've decided that the put together outfits are soo much more fun the then store bought ones. Can't Wait to see what its like next year.
I was thinking we would all be Hippies next year.

Pumpkin Picking

Today we went and got Heidi her first pumpkin. It was so fun. We drove to the end of the valley-it was a really pretty drive-to this little orchard where they have a "pick your own pumpkin patch". It was so warm out side you didn't even need a jacket. (Well we didn't, Heidi still wore one). Anyhow after having chosen a few pumpkins we finally found the right one. So we picked it. They just had a little change box to pay for the pumpkins. (Like I said-small town) Since we forgot to bring any cash we paid $2 in small change, pennies, nickels, the really small change- it was kind of funny. I think it'll be even more fun next year when she's starting to walk and can be more involved in the choosing process. (Then Char wil have to deal with two women being indecisive.)

Chatterbox

I love our little chatterbox-Heidi that is. She's so fun to watch when she talks. When she really gets into a converstaion she leans forward or talks louder. Sometimes she acts shy like and pulls her bib or blanket close to her face, other times she gets so excitied she trips over her coos. I wish we knew what she was saying because it seems to be very intesting.

Do you ever...

Have just one of those days that goes into just one of those weeks, that somehow compact to become just one of those months, that you just pray doesn't become just one of those years? Well, I'm having just one of those weeks.
It's like I try to make myself feel better by playing the "Well at least (fill in worst case scenario that could NEVER happen). And at the point in time the fate gods are listening in and look at each other saying "Hey, that sounds like a challenge!"
I'm going to get some chocolate. Anyone have a klonopin they're willing to share? No? Fine I'll stick with my chocolate.

Fatty Fat Fatso or Cheap Pants

So Melissa and I have had a debate this week, about quality of pant and my weight. I first tore one pair of pants while leaning to check on Heidi, not like your normal seam tear but in the middle of the pants leg. That in and of itself was enough for me to say… it is just some cheap pants, but with today I tore my last pair of church pant when bending over to pick up the baby I am insisting I am a fatty fat fatso. The pants were from Walmart and were rather loose fitting and i was kneeling down and getting up when they tore. So if some one wants to help decide it would help me out!

Jonny Cash

I donno what to do, I feel like my feelings are not important. I try to fit in with my new family but it seems like any time I talk to anyone in my new family they are only talking about themselves. I feel that no matter what I choose to do or say people take offence with it. I feel that I was never wanted around in the beginning and I am still not wanted in this family. I went looking at others blogs of those I am related to and only one mentions the fact they have a brother or that they have a niece, (she’s the one who lives far away and who we rarely get to see). It is almost as if we don't exist to them. I am worried about Char; he has mentioned to me many times how he is the black sheep in his family. He says he feels like he has never fit in with anyone in his family, he doesn't run races, he says he feels he isn't smart like everyone is they have like super advanced degrees, and he is barely slipping by. He feels like he tries to talk to his sisters about what interests them and is genuinely interested, but he feels that no one is interested in the things he is doing, his dreams, wants, and needs. He has mentioned many times how he feels no one will let him grow up.
I have seen this; people seem to like bringing up all the terrible horrible things about his past, and rubs his nose in it. I catch him looking upset about it more and more, it breaks my heart how mean people can be to him. It feels like no matter what he does it is not good enough for his family, he graduated really early and is working a job no one could very well. He got married in the temple, has an adorable baby girl, and is going to graduate school soon. What more can he do to make them proud of him? Why does he balk at going down? He feels no one cares about him and his feelings. I worry about him so much. I am hesitant to go down as well because, like him, I feel like an outsider, tolerated but not accepted. I am sorry I am rambling but this past week has been so hard for him, it is like a confirmation of all his fears that next to no one in his family cares for him and his new family. I try defending him because he is so afraid of becoming what everyone brings up about him, that he is a monster and he beats his sisters up, or he chases them with knifes. He won’t defend himself against what people say, because, to him he is a monster and has every right to be hated.

Utah Weather

Is so fickle, today when out shopping; which by the way has to happen on Saturday because I like shopping with Charlie. It is weird to go shopping or anywhere alone, especially with baby girl. But any way weather, I mentioned that we might want to bring an umbrella but Charlie thought that it wouldn't rain. He's so funny, as we walked into Sam’s Club it started to sprinkle and we got a little wet. However, it had stopped by the time we got out, but when we went to Wally’s nothing. By the way Heidi was asleep when we went in the store and I looked over and Charlie was tickling Heidi's foot!!! She woke up and when we went down the baby isle we finally found this rattle we were looking for. Heidi’s eyes lit up, she was having so much fun. Charlie took off her baby berkah and she was so interested in everything! Char would push the cart back and forth, she smiled and did her happy giggles! When we went out it was starting to sprinkle and by the time we got into the car there were huge rain drops as we were driving south-like 2 blocks-it stopped and the sun came out! Oh how crazy Utah weather is, if you don’t like it wait 5 minutes!

Baths and Grad School

So we gave Heidi her first bath in a long time, (she has been showering/ sponge bath due to her hatred of water early on). It was the cutest darn thing in the world, she was squealing with delight and splashing everywhere and smiling big time, it was probably the most fun she has had in a long time. On a side note, she is really sick right now she has been coughing a ton, sneezing and just miserable all the time.
Charlie is starting to apply to many schools all over the country, looking into Texas and Georgia. I say NO to Washington or California. Also Charlie is thinking of enlisting because they will pay for a good portion of grad school loans and a huge sign on bonus can get us out of debt. He feels that it would be a great opportunity to vent a lot of life’s little frustrations. He has mentioned a desire to get an MBA or maybe still go on to get a degree in counseling. Just keeping our options open .

Shots!

So, this week has been stressful besides the aforementioned things, Heidi has gotten her shots. Which was fine for me because I made Charlie do it (insert evil Russian laugh) and it was all sorts of hard for him, due to a failure on both our parts when he took the diaper bag there were two things that were missing that are the difference between happiness and pain!

Those important things were a bottle and a pacifier, So just before the doctor came in the baby started to scream and demand a bottle but when Charlie looked into it he couldn’t find one (gasp) nor could he find a pacifier (double gasp) so Heidi was screaming before the shot and wailing after the shot all the way home. While most babies tend to be super sleepy afterward, Heidi was wide awake, not crying just looking around. So life has been interesting while Heidi is now scared of Charlie half expecting him to give her some pokes.

Seinor Boots

So I let Charlie get a snake, his sister was into snakes and he has always wanted one so I let him get it contrary to my better judgement. Charlie, however scared me to death on Sunday when he said he couldn't find the snake in cage, which by the way he said was supposed to be inescapable to begin with, and proceeded to look everywhere for it, and it was no where to be found, but low and behold the snake had hidden a little too well in his cage and eventually the snake didn't come out so Charlie had to cut him out. and then promptly fed him.
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Visits

So as we have visited various different people there are some rules with newborns that need to be observed that should not have to be spoken.
1. The parents are the parents and their word is the end of the argument, the rules they make you keep end of question. if you teach them bad behaviors at your house then they will have bad behaviors at our house.
2. With children keep talking to them positively, no negative comments about parents or other people.
3. Do not pressure other family members into having kids, it causes resentment towards that couple and child that is not needed.
4. Reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior by not making a big deal out of something that is small.
5. Don't expect to be entertained, it is a new born they don't do things that most other babies do, they sleep, eat and need diapers changed. They don't play games well and talking happens later in their life, please keep projections to yourself.
6. Parents are in what is called new baby fog, it causes parents to be more forgetful, sleepy and sometimes irritable. Be understanding, it takes time for a baby to sleep through the night.
7. Don't take things personal, be understanding and realize new parents are going through Hell trying to get a baby to sleep through the night.
8. Apply the Kindergarten rule, If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.
9. Stay open to learning. Research is constantly expanding knowledge about what is most effective. For example, recent research pokes holes in the old theory that you'll spoil a baby if you pick them up when they cry. SIDS is a real fear for millions of parents each year nearly 3,000 die each year from this. Stay curious and join your kids in learning all you can.
10. Remember that the most powerful teaching anyone can do is by example. In a time when children are desperately in need of adults who will teach them virtue, let your life be that lesson.
11. Do not to take over and do things your way.
12. Avoid hogging the infant. As much as you love your new grandbaby, it’s important for Mom to bond with her. Your job is to help her do that in whatever way you can.
13. Don’t insist that what worked for you is going to work for her. Go ahead and offer advice, but don’t get upset if it’s rejected.
14. Refrain from bringing up old hurts. Now is a healing time for the family.
15. Avoid inviting several of your friends to see the baby at once. You’ll have plenty of chances to show off your adorable grandbaby when she’s a little older.

Not Postpartum Depression

So this week end has been a eye opener on how to live on little or no sleep. Little Heidi is having trouble sleeping because she is growing so fast, she is up every hour to drink and have her diaper changed. While I trick Char into getting a semi good nights sleep I am getting little sleep (I think Charlie is catching on.) He has sense made it so I can get some sleep and naps, this weekend he got up at 1 and stayed up so that I could sleep soundly through the night. He has been a life saver in helping out around here, he has kept things organized and clean so I don't go crazy (ier).
Also, Char took me on a "date" yesterday. We went and got pizza, rented a movie, Definitely Maybe, which was really cute. The baby slept through out the whole movie!!!! It was so exciting and wonderful to have some time with Char alone.
Don't worry I am still happy and healthy! Honestly I sometimes wish Heidi would scream at the top of her lungs at 2 in the morning just to piss off the upstairs neighbours. They are so loud and careless, yet she is too forgiving and refuses to let it bother her for more then a few seconds. However Mommy and Daddy are not so forgiving. (Insert evil laugh)

Dead Parents

So the past few days has been filled with all sorts of fun things. we decided since Heidi keeps staining her burp towels/ cloth diapers all sorts of interesting colors that we would tie dye them so that it would not stand out as much.... it worked, for the most part you cannot tell where she spit up/excreted all sorts of substances of various colors.
That however is not what has kept us from taking millions of photos and posting weird sleep deprived blogs, it is the fact that little Heidi has hit a growth spurt, during daytime hrs she eats about every hr on the hr, at night time it is every two hrs. Charlie has insisted that I get a fullish type night sleep that is at least five hrs. But Heidi is just chugging along, every hr today she has had 2 oz of breast milk. I am losing sleep in trying to keep up with little Heidi's demanding tummy, so as a consequence to my health failing we are in accord to bottle feed her formula.... not happy about it but knowing that it needs to be done. It is so hard it feels as though I am a failure as a mother, not being able to do what most mothers can easily do. I know that lots of people I know formula feed and they are not bad mothers but I feel as though I need to do the very best for my baby. It seemed at the hospital that everyone breast feeds and anyone who can't is a bad mother, I kept trying but the baby has a hard time doing it. We have been trying to do pumped milk in bottles, but it is too hard for me to pump then feed, then change, then rock to sleep. No one told me what recovery was supposed to be like, the soreness, the itching, the head aches, the flu like symptoms the bleeding slowing down then speeding up. I had never known I could cry over dropping a burp towel but I can and have. No one told me what bonding with a baby was all about, I thought that once they were out that they would connect with you and there would be lots of love shared. It is that way with Heidi but there are so many doubts.

Picky Baby

So it all started last night about four hrs before Char came home the baby would not go to sleep, she would fuss and was wide awake. It had me worried for a bit, but I got over it and finally when I gave up, Charlie came home, held the baby, fed her a little, and she fell right asleep.

On to today, Charlie was being nice and letting me sleep some, however, baby was not having this sleeping thing and decided to stay up for like 3 hrs until she was fusing up a storm and Char woke me up and had me hold her and she fell right asleep and didn't wake up for 3 hrs. She just likes being held by the opposite person.

Growing Baby

So Little Heidi Anne would not go to sleep last night, she was up for like four hours until Char got home. When he got home from work at around 11 he asked what I had tried. He thought that she might be hungry still, the only problem was that Ihad just feed her like a half an hour ago, so I got him a 2 oz bottle and she guzzled it down with out a problem and then fell right asleep. I was getting concerned so I looked it up and babies go through a growth spurt at about a week old and it lasts for about three days. So she could be drinking me dry for the next three days. I feel like Betsy the cow with my breast pump and that the fact the pump sounds like it moo's at me every so often. Char says that I am probably projecting my insecurity on the pump but it does sound like a moo!!!!

Racist Baby

So Charlie was playing with the baby and bugging me saying that the baby is a hippy, raising a hand and saying power to the people, or down with diapers! but then he went we hail in a german accent and it dawned on us that we have an extremely german white sounding baby i mean Adeliede Annelise, can you get any more white? When Heidi just wasn't white enough.

Sleepy Baby Issues

So we have a baby that loves to sleep, and when she sleeps she is out like a light, nothing wakes her up. While most parents say, wow that is wonderful, she has to feed every so often and waking her up is a bear. We have tried everything, finally my husband picked up the vinyl changing pad we have and put baby in it and she eat like a champ while glaring at daddy for the uncomfortable feeling. She glares at daddy a lot for him waking her up to feed, it is like "is it that time again? five more minutes!" or "YOU JERK DADDY! I wanted another hour of sleep!"

Bath Time

Yesterday was our first bath at home for baby, she was not happy about having to be all wet and miserable, She was crying up a storm. While Daddy was doing that, i was trying to get some pictures and he was trying to protect her modesty. Heidi has this horible problem with going to the bathroom while we are trying to change her, something that my husband has termed Projectile Poo due to this she is getting cleaned up alot more. I was getting worried about the babies hands and feet getting too cold, her sneezing and all that new baby stuff, so my husband charlie looked it all up and Little heidi has brain cancer. He was joking, i think, but then explained why those things happen and was really nice about it because i nearly burst out in tears.

The Birth

It all started Saturday July 5th around 7:30 I gave Charlie a call telling him to get ready to come, it was probably was going to start soon. This was a problem because he was 2 hrs away. Later at around 10:30 I called him and told him my contractions were at every 2 minutes and very painful. It took him 1 1/2 hr to convince me that he should come down. he left at 12:00 and got to where I was staying at 2:00 am, it took me 1 hr to convince him that I didn't need to go in, he slept for 2 hrs because he and I were tired, my contractions slowed down and I got some sleep too. I got up at 5:20 to use the restroom and when I came back I asked Charlie for cuddles because I was not feeling good, and all of a sudden I felt a gush of water that went all over the bed, Charlie jumped up just in time only getting a little wet. We then jumped into the car and drove to the hospital thinking we would have our baby girl that day. Oh how wrong we were, we go there and they put us on pitocin at around 9 am and then it started getting uncomfortable. We labored all that day, and on into the night. At around 11:30 it started to get real painful and I started blacking out because of the pain. They had to put on an oxygen mask because I was not getting enough oxygen. Oh yeah did I mention no epidural! From 11-3 I was in the worst pain of my life, I got so bad I was getting delusional talking about black jelly fish and demanding Charlie to put down his book and help me even though he didn’t have a book and was rubbing my back. At around 3 am I felt the need to push, the nurses checked me and I was at a 9.5 and they called the doctor and I started pushing. The doctor got there on time and I got a baby episiotomy, real tiny like. And the baby was out. That is when it got real bad, there was lots of leftovers in the uterus they had to scrape out with no anesthesia stitch me up with out anesthesia and then I started to hemorrhage, they had an anesthesiologist come in to prep me for a hysterectomy but my doctor yelled him away. Nurses were suggesting the crash cart, and calling a code. But they gave me the things that I needed and put me back together. I got two transfusions and a host of other drugs and spiked a fever of 104. The baby on the other hand was quickly put on my chest and whisked away, cleaned, measured and given the right shots. She was 7 lbs and 1 oz and 19.5 inches long, and yellow. They took her to the well baby Nursery and then taken to the NICU to maintain oxygen levels and to bring down the jaundice. She was suffering form a hematoma, low oxygen saturation and being yellow, they ran blood and found an elevated white blood count, and started some medicine to help with the possible infection, gave her a shot to help reverse the effects of the drugs I was give to try to help with the pain during birth. They put her under Belie Lights to help with the jaundice, however it went up still and they were scared and some nice nurse suggested that they take the baby off of IV’s to help flush out the broken blood cells. It took several days in the NICU to help her to get stable. Charlie convinced the doctors that the baby ought to go home and they agreed.vinced the doctors that the baby ought to go home and they agreed.